Goner
by peeta'sbabe09
Summary: Katniss and Peeta fell in love like they were each others drug . But alike every drug which takes you high brings you down .Now after almost 5 years they meet at a bar and guess what happens next ?
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER:1

KATNISS

"Come on Katniss" Johanna yelled again . she has been yelling at me to join her at the local bar for an hour now. But I don't want to go . It has been 3 years since I've known Johanna , she is the queen of sarcasm but she is my best friend so I believe I would have to give up on my stubbornness and agree to go with her . "okay I'll go" I finally give in and start fixing my hair and gloss to go before we leave "finally brainless , now let's get going" she says once before we leave. I was already dressed in one of my shorts and a tank top so all I really needed was just a make up check and we are out of out apartment as soon as I am done . "So brainless tonight we are going to Capitol bar and it's Finnick's treat apparently he has some mystery guest he wants us to meet" Johanna smirks when we are in the cab as she fixes her lipstick "mystery guest?" I ask dumbfounded and Johanna explains it to me " He wants us to meet one of his friends that he believes he has never mentioned before but he says that his guest is very hot and a big shot in New York , so I have to look extra sexy which basically means extra me today " I chuckled at her words and asked for more information regarding who else will be there . She said our whole group which meant Gale and Madge , Finnick and Annie and me and her will be there . This news calmed me down that if I didn't liked the 'mystery guest' I would still have all of my friends to hangout with. When we reached Johanna strangled me straight in the washroom to have another last make up check , I guess this guest is pretty hot otherwise Johanna would never be so obnoxiously self conscious. With all the efforts she was making I started to get self conscious and gave my makeup quick fixes . When we head outside we search for a bronze mop of hair and green eyes so after spotting him . We both meet up with Finnick , Annie,Gale,Madge and a pair of blue eyes which stole my heart a long time ago, mop of blonde hair that I could never resist to play with and a smile which lighted my body up with fire it was PEETA I couldn't believe my eyes and suddenly it all came back to me , how much I loved him, how I broke his heart and how much I still love him . The felling to run into his arms and tell him that I love him and I missed him was impossible but I had to control myself and when those blue eyes lighted up when they met my steely ones I knew I was a GONER again...


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey everybody! I just wanted to tell everyone that this is purely an everlark fanfic and I'm sorry you all gale lovers and you all can give me suggestions on how I can drag this story because I really wish to make this one matter to all peeta's babaes out there . recap: Katniss loves peeta but due to her fear of becoming like her mother she breaks up with him and now 5 years later they meet at a bar with gale, madge, finnick, johanna,annie.**

CHAPTER:2

I am captivated by Peeta's azure eyes . I can't seem to think about anything but just how much I adore this man in front of me and how I broke his heart with a message that read:

 _I am sorry but we are through Peeta , I can't marry you_

Night before I broke his heart he proposed to me near my father's lake house and the realization of commitment hit me harder than a whole mountain , My mind was filled with my promise to never fall in love which I made to myself when my dad died and I left him and disappeared from his life and came here leaving him heartbroken. Look now how the almighty have fallen my life is full of ironies isn't it , because now all I want is a life with Peeta . But he probably hated me now . I try to muster up a smile as Peeta introduces himself to everyone . He is introducing himself to gale which means I'm next . I try to calm myself but it isn't going very well .

Peeta's eyes turn into pools of joy as they set on my grey on my grey ones but I feel guilty knowing how I broke his heart . he extends his hand but I jump on him wrapping my around him just wanting to feel him again "hey! great to see you" I say grinning like a fool and sniff a little on him and he still smells the same cinnamon and vanilla like he always used to.

"great to see you too" he says as we break apart. I know I must be blushing because he chuckles when he sees my face "You look great" he says and blush harder. doesn't he understands how many butterflies are in my stomach right now that he is trying to multiply them! I just into his azure eyes and he does the same looking into my steely grey ones . It's almost that we are expressing how much we used to love each other but I still do love him that much or maybe more . I am just about to stop myself from kissing him when finnick clears his throat"you two know each other?" "yeah we were in the same school"peeta answers turning himself to finnick but wait what? _we were in the same school_ is that it ? aren't you going to tell them our tale of great love? I feel a little brushed off but I try to suppress it as we make our way to the lounging area . Once we are seated we order drinks and everyone starts talking about something as I zone out and try to decide how am I am going to win Peeta back.

I snap out when gale asks Peeta"Okay Peeta we all know each other very well but we don't know you . Tell us your story?" Peeta tries to shrug it off and change the topic and I see hesitation in his yes I want to tell everyone to shut up but I want to know what happened when I left him then Johanna smirks" Come on handsome , for me " Johanna has been flirting with him all along and Peeta is adding fuel to her flirting by giving her some sassy comments and lightly brushing her hair off her eyes or a little caress at her cheek. I feel jealous every time her hands touch his shoulder or neck but I stay calm and convince myself that I can't be jealous of my best friend "OKAY but for you" Peeta says winking towards Johanna.I try to brush it off and position myself to carefully listen to him as he starts "but this is a sad one so I might need some time after it ends" Peeta says slipping his fingers in Johanna's hands as jealousy rages inside me but I try and contain it as he continues "I am a baker's son and a painter . My dad was my hero . I met the love of my life when I was five years old" he says and pauses for a minute a smile forming on his lips" When I first saw her, her hair was in two braids and she was wearing a red dress she sang in the morning assembly and I knew I was a goner but I didn't talk to her just tried to gather the courage , When we started 6th grade her father died and I tried to become her moral and emotional support and tried to slip her money or food or make her feel loved and needed and sometimes I got beating from my mother to give my money to her . My mother is a very cruel lady who used to beat me up for stupid stuff and emotionally made me feel useless and my brothers always took her side too afraid to stand up for their little brother.I soon became 16 trying to live with my mother and confess my love to the girl of my dreams and soon later I was successful to confess my love to her and she said she felt the same way . We dated all through High school and then college ,with her it was just magnificent . We started living together I worked at an gallery , she worked at a Music coaching classes ans it was all on the cloud 9 but as soon as I got on one knee she disappeared and left me there. After she left I fell into alcohol then Depression but neither seemed to take the pain away so I went back to my roots of releasing pain and stress . Baking. I went back to my parent' bakery and worked hard but not hard enough for my mother . One day I was working when something went wrong and I ruined a cake so my mother started hitting me with her hand then her shoe and then rolling pin after a couple of hits she tried to hit me with an heavy rod near her when my father tried to save me and got hit . My mother left and I took my father to the doctor but he was already in coma and soon he died and after his death I lost it and I started getting high but one of my uncle's .Uncle haymitch made me go to a 'magic working' therapist and I went there for two years and the pain of my father's death faded but others remained so one night I went to a bar and got drunk and screwed a girl. For those few seconds when I was with her I felt new and fine again so I started doing it more and now I am a recovering playboy who was an alcohol,drug addict and depressed person" Peeta finished and excused himself from us as we sit there stunned

Peeta makes his way back and we all try to muster up and normal face but no one can't . Peeta sets himself on the chair and sighs "Okay guys you can ask me questions?" he says and finnick lets out a breath followed by a question"Do you still love your dream girl Peeta?" "No , she taught me many things but took my ability to love: he says and takes a sip of his drink . The mood finally lightens and everybody is talking like normal people now . Johanna is back with flirting knowing the fact that Peeta was a player and she is making normal conversations with him . BUT I can't take it anymore his words whirl around my head . I am about to cry and I run out , out of the bar and I make my way back to my house still running I get in and crash on my bed crying . This is all my fault .I took the ability to love of the most loving person away and I left him to face all of that alone because I was afraid that I would turn into my mother . My stupid fears took the real , happy , caring and loving Peeta away and I sob in my bed thinking of how selfish I am

After crying for the whole night I have made up mind that my job from now on is to make Peeta he was before, to teach him how to love and make him realize how much I still love him even if I am not his choice in the end...


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey guys! I know that it has been an eternity since I updated and I'm sorry . I was sick for all these days and I am still actually but I am feeling a little better so here is Chapter 3 and in the end I would like to say that reviews encourage me so keep 'em comin .**

 **I own nothing except the story**

 **CHAPTER:3**

 **(PEETA POV )**

I settle myself on the couch . Finnick has a giant house and I am staying at his house until I am here . Finnick and Annie left for work almost a couple of hours ago and left me some food . A little necessary products that could help me bake if I ever try to and a whole set of movies and books that I could enjoy . But I can't enjoy anything . All I could think about is Katniss .

I make myself a nice cup of coffee and choose a book from the shelf which Annie says is a must read _the hunger games ._ It's a young adult novel but Annie recommended so I can give it a try . I flip through the pages when I hear a voice I can remember even in sleep "Peeta?" Katniss calls out from the living room . I try to play it as cool as possible "In here" I shout to her as she makes her way inside and makes her way to the couch right in front of mine . I place my coffee and book down and drift my eyes to her .

She looks amazing as always . Her hair in it's classic braid and a few loose strand falling out and forming the most beautiful halo .Her ashy eyes the same as I can remember but I can still notice the puffiness below her eyes and her eyes are also red in corners . I feel so bad . I made her cry I knew telling all of them my true story would hurt her . I wish I should have just made something up but why is she even here I don't want to talk to talk I've had enough of her. There is an awkward silence before I speak up " Hey! how are you doing?" I ask her . "I'm fine . I just came here to see you. You know last night we couldn't talk much because of everybody" she says placing her hands in her lap and biting on her lip a little bit . I remember she used to do this whenever she had something on her mind

"oh okay! " I reply trying to fight my urge to go there and place that loose piece of hair that is coming into her eyes behind her ear . "Peeta , you know me better than anybody . Please don't make this harder for me " she says with pleading eyes "That I do and cut the crap Katniss just say what you want to " I say to her

"I am sorry . I am so sorry for what I did to you and I am sorry for Mr Mellark too"

"It's okay . I don't blame you for anything "

"But Peeta you have to try and start loving again , you can't give up " she pleads standing up from her place and sitting beside me

"Katniss I... I ...I can't . I just can't . I have been broken more than I could be fixed so I can't give my heart to someone to get it back broken into pieces" I reply placing my head between my hand and trying to keep myself calm from breaking down .

"Peeta you can . I promise you . You can do it Peeta I will help you " she says supporting meas she places a hand on my shoulder as she rubs soothing circles on my back . but why does she wants to help me now . Huh . Ofcourse she feels I am a weak injured animal and she is just doing a little charity but I can't let her get attached to me again . All these thoughts mixed with my anger infuriates me and I growl at her

"why ? huh? why do you want to help me ? and why now katniss?" I say as I stand up

"because I am the one who shattered your faith in love and people and I will be the one to restore it" she says boldly but I can see she is hiding something from me which makes me more furious as after all this she is till hiding something

"No! I told you I don't blame you which means that it's not your fault okay! . you don't have to feel guilty . you don't have to help me . so just let it go and leave me as I am " I spit out and move further away from her but she follows me

"I can't okay! I can't leave you I will die of the guilt" she shouts at me but her voice at the last words

"You don't have to be guilty, Just let it go , let it be, you just be you and I'LL BE ME " I shout back as I towards her

"I can't Peeta! You have to come back " she shout as a tear rolls down her face

"why? why can't you? " I ask as tears rolls down my face

"because I love you too much to let you go" she says and her voice breaks as she her gaze shifts from mine to the ground and I can still see tears rolling down her face

"And I loved you so much but I'm already gone" I say and I rush out to my room because I know that I cannot handle it now . I come to my room and I start thrashing stuff around . I need to let this pain out as DR Auriels said I need to let all of this go but I can't . I can't . After all this she still loves me and she is here telling me . I know I can't handle any of this . I break down again and I think this time the only drug I would need is Katniss...

 **(KATNISS POV)**

I stand there as Peeta rushes inside a room but this time I know I am not leaving him . I'm not letting him go . No matter how far he pushes me away I am going to come back to him and bring the old Peeta , that used to love me , who is still inside him I 'm going to bring him back . I try to contain my self as I wipe the tears away . I hears thrashing sounds from his room and I muster up a courageous face as I walk towards the room . I stand near the door as I see Peeta breaking down to the ground . The whole furniture is thrashed with his paints all over the room . Some of the canvases are torn and the whole room is a mess and there Peeta is on the ground as his shoulders shake from his sobs .

I walk towards him and place myself next to him on the ground . I run my hands through his hair and surprisingly he lets me do that . His eyes meet mine and I can see the pain in his eyes . It breaks my heart to see him like this . I am captivated by his eyes as he wraps himself around me , with his head on my chest . He sobs as I rub soothing circles on his back .

We sit there as Peeta sobs wrapped on me . After sometime he lifts his face up to meet my eyes and tries to say something "I loved you so much . I loved my dad so much and you both just left me . ALONE . My brothers and mom abandoned me . Katniss I was alone with a broken heart" he says as his voice breaks down and another set of sobs come over him as this time I wrap him around me and I repeat in his ear "I Know . I'm sorry . I love you . You will be alright " I keep repeating this over and over again until he calms down .

He calms down and gets up and I repeat the process . He stands in front of me and tries to muster a courageous face up "I'm sorry Kat, but I can't love you . Not now . But I would like us to be friends" he says and I know that this my chance to spend time with him and I agree instantly "yes I would like that , A little birdy told me you haven't been here before so I would love to show you around" I offer him politely and he agrees . We both make plans to meet and I leave Finnick's house . I get in the cab and I come to my house . All the time thinking about how I am going to bring Peeta back . We became friends again and I will change him again . It's a small start but this is my only chance to be with him and I will be . PEETA MELLARK I'm not letting you go...

 **A/N : SO I hope you all like this and the quote of the chapter is :**

 **"Tears come streaming down your face when you loose something you can't replace . Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you"**

 **-coldplay**

 **please review/favorite/follow.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey Guys! Thanks for the reviews and here is the next chapter**

 **I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE STORY**

 **CHAPTER:4**

 **(KATNISS POV)**

I took Peeta to every beautiful place in our district . Since then Peeta and I started hanging out with each other . But seeing him like this with trembling fingers and trying to keep himself far away from me so he doesn't falls in love with me again it's heart breaking to see him like this. I know he tries his best to be normal around me but it is immpossible to not think about what we had before and it kills me to see how much he is guarding himself from love knowing he was this loving and happy Peeta before. He made me realize that all human could do is love when he has lost everything , All we could do is love what is remaining.

Peeta started coming to my house and we did talk about the time we were together and sometimes he would talk about a woman named Portia and when I used to ask him he shrugged it off . I toss to my left side to give a glance to my clock . 6:00 . I should get up . I get ready and head for work but a frantic call from Finnick scare me to death.

 _Kat, come . PEETA, peeta something happened to him we took him to his therapist . YOU HAVE TO COME .Katniss come to capitol hospital ._

I get in a cab and my mind is filled with horrible nightmares. I rush out when we reach . I run towards the house and I run inside the house screaming Peeta's name but I find the house vacant. I re run my coversation with Finnick ' _katniss come to capitol hospital'_. Oh god! how stupid could I be . I rush to haul another cab . My mind constantly reminding me every horrible thing that could have happened to Peeta .

I rush out of the cab and ask the receptionist who is wearing clothes even extravagant for Halloween . She leaded me out to a different section of the hospital . Before I know I am in front of the office of Dr Aurelius. I vaguely remember about him . He was Peeta's therapist. I make my way inside to find a grey haired doctor boring his eyes into file named PEETA MELLARK . I sit down and he acknowledges me with a warm smile . But I don't have time for stupid gestures so I ask the question I have been dying to ask

"What happened to Peeta doctor?" I ask him sounding like I am about to cry

"He had another episode miss.-"

"everdeen . Katniss Everdeen" I fill him in

"Katniss everdeen ..." he ask shocked . He takes his specs off and rubs his eyes off for a second. He is so shocked that I am stating to get nervous.

"yes doctor . But why are you so shocked ? and episode?" I ask him confused as EFF

"He didn't tell you did he ? " he asks me

"tell me what?" I ask him dumfounded

"OKAY! " he exhales loudly. I can see the stress in his eyes

"Miss. Everdeen . I suppose Peeta didn't tell you about anything . Peeta was here for two years before we let him go . He was going through a condition named as highjacking . As you must know his mother used to torment me and then something happened between you two and then his fathers death It all left him mentally broken . And instead of getting help he turned to alcohol and drugs which mixed up his memories and now he gets episodes . All that booze and drugs messed him up so now sometimes like a short film his memories play in his mind but twisted and they are more like nightmares so I guess he had a bad one "

I take a few seconds to take it all in and then I finally speak up "he was here for two years ?" I ask him with my vice breaking after every word

"Yes miss " he says lowering his eyes a little as if trying to have a argument with himself "Miss if you are not insulted or anything I would like to ask something" he asks politely

"yes doctor, you can ask anything" I reply in the most subtle tone

"What exactly were your relations with Peeta ? We used hear him sream your name while sleeping but whenever we asked him he used to stop responding to us . He wouldn't even talk to Portia" he says

"portia?" I ask him

"she was his caretaker . sometimes he used to call her mom" he says

I tell him all about me and Peeta . About how we dated and every event until yesterday and all he could do was nod . Later I was guided to Peeta's room to meet him but he was sedated so I just went there and slipped my fingers in his hand and sat down in the chair next to his bed. Slowly sleep took over me and I dozed off my head leaning on Peeta's bed.

I wake up to light caresses of hand on my head . Like someone was playing with my hair , my eyes flutter open and my gaze meets Peeta's azure eyes . He looks at me with so much love and care that I can't resist but wrap my hands around him . His wraps his arms around me and I feel comfort in his arms . This is the first time he has touched me since that time in finnick's house .

"You came for me" he asks with so much vulnerability

"I love you , you know" I tell him instantly

"I know , but katniss I think I can never love anybody again" He says and I can feel he is crying but I can't see his face because I am wrapped up around him

"you just have to try Peeta " I say to him he backs away just to look in my eyes and I can see his eyes glassy from unshed tears "you just have to try" I repeat my words as I look into his azure pools

"I will try because I think I am falling for you again" He says and before I do anything his lips crash into mine , I pour my heart into this kiss . His warm lips leaves mine for a moment just to crash back to mine again and I know that slowly I am getting my boy with bread back...

 **A/N: I know they are so cute ! If you are confused than don't worry and wait for the next chapter which will answer you questions as how peeta fell for katniss again but how much he is afraid to do so . Quote of the chapter**

 **"Baby, I know you are hurting and you are hurting deep but just look out for the bright light that shines by the horizon and you will be here side by side with me cause even if you fall I won't let you go "**

 **-KAIRA SHELL**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Here is chapter 5 .**

 **I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING EXCEPT THE STORY**

 **CHAPTER:5**

 **(PEETA POV)**

I feel just as confident as a slug about being friends with Katniss. Who am I kidding? I am going to eventually fall for her and she will leave me again and I will be heartbroken again and I will repeat my past . Just the Idea of becoming like I was in my past makes me I agreed to that and I can give it a shot . With this in my mind I make my way to the karaoke place where we agreed to meet today.

I have tried my best to avoid having physical contact with Katniss . I don't want to remember How her touch feels and make my heart go through all of that again and keeping that in mind . I can already feel tonight is a mistake . KARAOKE. It means Katniss would sing. SINGING. The reason I fell in love with her in the first place. I mentally scold myself for agreeing to that as I make my way up to table I see her locks from. God she looks incredible . Peeta!stop . I remind myself and greet her . "hey!" I say playing it cool

"Hey!" she says with a smile that could kill . I settle myself next to her and we both order drinks and choose our songs. We are talking about Prim and Rory . She is telling me how fast prim is falling for Rory , who is gale's brother. I personally don't like gale , He just always gives me a glare as if I just committed a crime . I am doing my best to guard my heart up so it won't go looking for Katniss's again when I hear a voice I remember all too better than I should.

"Oh my gosh! Peeta mellark ! Peeta ,Is that you?" I turn back with the best smile I could pull and find Glimmer almost beaming with happiness to see me. I remember dating her briefly before Katniss and then she stalking me all through High school.

"Glimmer! hey ! good to see you." I say trying my best to look surprised and happy. She looks behind me to find Katniss and stares at her with pure hatred in her eyes

"Seriously ! Still, you two are STILL together" she spits out giving Katniss a stink eye and I push out a laugh to lighten the mood.

"No! Of course not . We are just friends and by the way what are you doing here?" I try my best to change the topic with my most polite voice ever to lighten the most awkward scene I have been caught in . I still remember how much Katniss used to hate glimmer and vice versa.

"Oh my god! I forgot , We are here for clove's bachlorette on! you have to come . You know clove right? My best friend from high school and her boyfriend cato I mean almost husband " She says nearly jumping up and down from happiness. She places her both hands on my left forearm and tries to drag me to table where I see clove , foxface and some other girls I don't remember.

I steal a glance at Katniss and see her shift in her seat as she is boring her eyes at the spot where glimmer's hand touches my forearm. I can't make out her expression until she comes aroung from our table to where glimmer has almost dragged me and places her hands on my right forearm and clears her throat.

"Excuse me ! um... Glimmer but Peeta came here with me and I don't think he would be interested to go meet your *friends* " she says as she emphasizes on the word _friends_

"Well ! I think he would be " glimmer mocks her pulling me her way as katniss pulls me back . "no ,he won't" katniss argues and soon It turns out to be a tug of war with both of the ladies pulling me to each sides. I know I had to stop this , so I release both my arm out of their grips and stand in front of both of them

"Ladies! I know where I want to go and that is to the stage. I have to sing you know and I expect you both on best behaviors and Glimmer I would love to join you but I can't because Katniss is right I came here with her which means my night would be devoted to her . I'm sorry and It was great seeing you and trust me the dress hugs you amazingly" I tell them with a little flirt in the end and then I turn to Katniss and pull out my hand "Shall we ?" I ask her remembering she used to love all these little flares and as I knew it her face lights up as she slips her hand in mine and answers"we shall".

We reach back to our table when I sit down and settle myself back in the anchor announces Katniss's name and she sips her drink and makes her way up the stage . The music starts and I already know what song it is . I sigh as her voice fills the bar.

 **I 'm so glad you made time to see me**

 **how's life? tell me how's your family?**

 **I haven't seen them in a while**

 **you've been good, busier than ever?**

 **we small talk ,work and the weather**

 **your guard is up and I know why**

 **because the last time**

 **you saw me , I still burned**

 **in the back of your mind**

 **you gave me roses**

 **and I left them here to die**

 **So this me swallowing my pride,**

 **standing in front of you saying**

 **'I'm sorry for that night '**

 **And I go back to December all the time**

 **It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you**

 **wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine**

 **I go back to December , turn around and make it alright**

 **I go back to December all the time**

As the music plays I realize that she left me in december and this song is about me. I realize that she is admitting her mistake and saying she is sorry and she is probably saying she still loves me . Her sweet, melodious voice is enough to convince me . I make my mind half through the song that I would like to give her another chance . After all she came to me and told me she still loves me and now this song It all warms my heart. I make my mind to drop my guard but the Idea scares me to the bone . I have done that before and what situation she left me in was worse than horrible I'm still battling with my mind as she continues.

 **These days, I haven't been sleeping**

 **Staying up, playing back myself leaving.**

 **when your birthday passed and I didn't call**

 **Then I think about summer**

 **all the beautiful times**

 **I watched you laughing from the passenger side**

 **and I realized I loved you in the fall**

 **And then the cold came,the dark days.**

 **when a fear crept into my mind**

 **you gave me all your love and all I gave you was**

 **goodbye**

 **So this me swallowing my pride,**

 **standing in front of you saying**

 **'I'm sorry for that night '**

 **And I go back to December all the time**

 **It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you**

 **wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine**

 **I go back to December , turn around and change my own mind**

 **I go back to December all the time**

As the second verse ends my mind and heart are fighting inside one says I should give in and the other says I should not . I find myself in a battle with myself and I know I can't take it anymore , I can loose it and have another episode . But her voice fills in my mind with peace again

 **I miss your pale skin, your sweet smile.**

 **so good to me , so right .**

 **And how you held me in your arms that September night**

 **The first time you ever saw me cry**

 **Maybe this is wishful thinking**

 **probably just mindless dreaming**

 **but if we loved again**

 **I swear I'd love you right.**

 **I'd go back in time and change it but I can't**

 **So if the chain is on your door I understand.**

 **So this me swallowing my pride,**

 **standing in front of you saying**

 **'I'm sorry for that night '**

 **And I go back to December all the time**

 **It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you**

 **wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine**

 **I go back to December , turn around and make it all right**

 **I go back to December , turn round and change my own mind**

 **I go back to December all the time**

 **ALL THE TIME**

And I give in like all times , my heart wins and I decide that I would let my guard down but before that I will tell Katniss how afraid I am to do that in the way she did . By singing a song we both will remember all too well. She makes her way back and settles down but before she gets back I am already there to change my song and sing it . I tell the anchor my song and take my place on the stage . As I start singing I notice a tear roll down Katniss's cheek and I long to be there and wipe that tear off but I would wipe all her tears by my song and I start.

 **I've been asking myself this question**

 **over and over again**

 **ohhh...**

 **Is love a game no matter how I try**

 **I'll never win?**

 **ohh...**

 **Like** **a fairy tale beginning**

 **but you'll never know how it ends**

 **ohh...**

 **so I often wonder If I'll ever**

 **If'll ever be able to love again**

 **Like a sun has summer**

 **rain has thunder**

 **what am I afraid off?**

 **but baby, I am afraid to find**

 **love again**

 **Tell me why is it closer love gets**

 **I run away**

 **Like standing in the mirror and My reflection**

 **looks the other way**

 **Outside I'm smiling**

 **but the truth is inside**

 **I'm just wondering**

 **What am I afraid off?**

 **but baby, I am afraid to find**

 **love again**

 **I know I'm running away**

 **I wanna love you you baby**

 **But My heart is afraid**

 **To be broken again**

 **what am I afraid off?**

 **but baby, I am afraid to find**

 **love again**

I maake my way back and we both fall into a silence. We both finish our drinks and then walk out to our house. we both don't try talking again for two days but then katniss calls me up and says _I know ,you are afraid but I promise I won't let you down_ and I'm only able to say _I will believe you_. Since then I have lifted my guard up and I'm letting katniss in and before I know I'm in love . one night we both come back from a restaurant after having dinner and I fell asleep thinking about telling Katniss about how I feel and then before I know I am having an episode and Katniss is there in it , in whole of it , I tell her I love her and she breakes my heart again . I know I have to control it so I call finnick and try my best to tell him to call my doctor and all too soon after Finnick ends the call I am over came with my dizziness.

I woke up to find myself in the bright hospital room with my hand laced with katniss's and her head on my chest and she is long asleep . I try to remind myself about the episode and my fears and suddenly one of strands of katniss's hair become loose from her braid and brushes my hand which I am holding and this small gestures reminds me with all those beautiful times I shared with katniss and all too soon all I know that I am not a sad story I am here and she is here and I looking at her , She is so beautiful and nothing can go wrong if I love her .

Soon stirs up beside me and she wakes up . We have a random conversation until I spills it out to her about how much I love her and she presse her lips to mine . All in that kiss I know that I can love her and I will love this beautiful girl in front of me who has poured her heart out to me in these days . I will love her but that stupid part of me still scares me to love her and she senses my worries and she speakes something that assures me that we will be fine and I will be able to love her

she says:

 _I love you so much and I know you love me . But that little part of you that scares is getting in the way and soon I will make you believe I love you so much and that little part will fade away because I am staying with you Peeta and I will stay with you always_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:**

 **HEY GUYS!**

 **This is not chapter 6 but this is an long author's note and I'm really sorry if you wanted to continue but I am having second thoughts about this story and my sister also kind of said that the Idea is shitty and because I have not got any type of support from you guys I am not continuing . I think I will once I get some inspiration . So I am sorry**

 **BUT**

 **I am starting a new fic in about two or three days which will be "Till stars are above you"**

 **TILL STARS ARE ABOVE YOU : Revolution ends and prim never dies so Katniss chooses gale over Peeta in the end . But she instantly regrets her decision when Peeta comes back to district 12 and she realizes how much she actually loves Peeta and needs Peeta but going back to him is impossible becuse she made her choice and Peeta does not loves her now .**

 **THANK YOU**

 **LOVE YOU ALL**

 **I'M SORRY**


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